Turning Fear on its Ear

Written by Tim Buckley, August 2023

Chris Pineda delivers an impactful presentation on facing one’s fears

Ironic, yet it might elicit a “Huh, THAT makes sense!” when you learn that Chris Pineda coaches soccer goalkeepers of all ages and levels, in addition to being the founding Director of Salem-based Groundwork Leadership Institute. 

A central point in his presentation last month to CBEL’s Perspective audience was about facing one’s fears. “It is fear that holds you back from your potential,” he said. Those who break through their fears will not be stuck in mediocrity, he predicted. You leave the world of “Surface Mindedness” and enter a deeper place where growth manifests in myriad ways: emotionally, socially, financially, culturally, physically, and spiritually.

Think about it. Your adversaries are firing shots on goal at more than 100 mph. Unrelenting and fierce, they rush at you with fancy footwork and head fakes, all meant to distract you for a split second. They look left and shoot high to the right corner. A star goalie, like Chris was in college, can’t be asleep at the switch. With uncanny alertness, the reflexes of Spiderman, and the courage of a mother bear protecting her cubs, you leap and dive at the last second with outstretched arms, and feel the ball crease your fingertips, deflecting off the top bar.  S A V E !!!

Chris overcame mediocrity in his life with an intention to develop a “Deep Mindset.” However you aspire to escape mediocrity in your own life, or as part of a larger group, here are three attributes to help create that mindset:

• Be Committed

• See Beyond Yourself

• Find Meaning

Click here to learn more about overcoming fears and how Chris’ advice pertains to CBEL’s work in Salem and Keizer neighborhoods, where there are plenty of fears.

Be Committed. 

When Chris was a boy of 10, he witnessed his father being humiliated by a department store customer, unhappy with the service. When she demanded to speak to the manager, out came Chris’ father. He politely listened and professionally asked the woman how he might make things better for her. She wagged her finger in his face and shouted, “Go back to where you came from!” Chris’ father, a native of the Philippines, spoke with an accent, though his command of English was excellent.

“My father didn’t flinch and didn’t argue back,” Chris recalled. “He stayed calm and focused on how to help the woman solve her issue. When we were driving home later, I told him how I would have responded more forcefully. I’ll never forget my dad’s response. He said, ‘All we can do is respond with love.’ He was committed to that philosophy and that practice.”

See Beyond Yourself

Some years later, Chris watched again as his father responded in a way that surprised him. “I came home one day and learned that my sister and her husband had quarreled again. He had left the house, saying he needed to live somewhere else for a while. My dad gave him the keys to my car, permanently. My sister, her husband and their first child had taken shelter, food and other resources from my parents, with very little in return. Giving my car away was the last straw. I told my dad that he wasn’t taking proper care of his family, that he was allowing the son-in-law to take advantage, and that he shouldn’t put up with such disrespect.” 

Instead of arguing, he calmly apologized to Chris for giving the car away. “Then he said,  ‘Your sister loves him and your niece loves him. And so I’m going to love him too.’” 

The son-in-law, over time, completely changed as a person, Chris recalled. “He became more respectful and understanding, even selfless—our whole family changed. And the remarkable thing was, he gave all the credit to my dad. He has said on many occasions, ‘When everybody else gave up on me, it was your dad who never did.’”

“My dad’s loving attitude was a lesson for me,” Chris added,  “He modeled how to see beyond oneself.  It was apparently a lesson for my brother-in-law as well.  He and my sister are still happily married and have five great children.”

In-person attendees gather together to discuss a breakout question during Chris Pineda’s conversation

Find Meaning

Chris’ grandmother suffered greatly earlier in her life and at one point attempted to take her own life. “Had she succeeded, she would not have been there for us to learn from. She overcame her depression and despair by applying the principles of a deep mindset. She found meaning in life, in her children’s lives and in our lives too. Where she found meaning, she also found strength.”

Just as individuals exhibit fears, so do larger bodies. CBEL’s Building Community Resilience effort addresses collective fears and shows mediocrity the door. Neighborhood Family Councils create an atmosphere conducive to positive change. Overcoming collective fears of racism and classism, fears of not being respected, fears of never getting ahead, these groups made up of volunteer families have committed themselves to organize. Outside their normal responsibilities, they focus on what will make the neighborhood stronger and safer. And in that place of mutual trust and respect, they find joy. And they find meaning.