Trust and Safety: The Building Blocks of Human Connection
Written by Tim Buckley, October 2024
Parts of our human brain, the oldest parts, are central to survival. The amygdala, for example, alerts us of present danger and stimulates our “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Traveling to a new place, being introduced to new people, our senses are heightened because we want to be safe, and we’re especially wary when our children are involved.
Arriving at one of the first Infant and Toddler Play Group gatherings, moms and their young children were understandably reserved and shy. So, the organizers did what they could to ease their tension. There was a shared dinner for everyone. It was a big room, secure from the outside, so children could run around, play, and build new acquaintances. And there were games and craft tables, where parents and kids could play and create together.
“There were two happy surprises for me,” said Whitney Contreras, the bilingual translator and event assistant. “I saw two moms, who arrived as strangers, holding one another’s infants. They built a new bond of trust so enduring that they felt comfort, even joy, being able to hold the others’ child. It was so touching,” Whitney said.
“The other surprise was how quickly the children overcame their watchful and shy behavior. By the third gathering, they arrived happy to see us, comfortable and confident in themselves. That’s when they open up, when their creative minds awaken.”
The organizer of the event, CBEL staffer Rick Newton, said the Infant Toddler Play Group arose out of spoken desires of the Highland Neighborhood Family Council. “They want their children to thrive socially and academically,” he said. “And they want a safe community in which they can access resources to boost their chances of success.”
“I remember at our first meeting with the Neighborhood Council,” Rick added. “A single parent with a four-year-old daughter told us that she was living hand to mouth in a north Salem apartment building. She hadn’t enough resources to make the difference between stressed out and comfortable. She told us that there are plenty others like her.”
Without naming them, when the mom talked about her struggle, she was referring to the five “protective factors” that make all the difference in a person’s life:
Tangible support in times of need
Positive social connections
The social and emotional competence of children
Knowledge of parenting and child development
The resilience of parents
Here’s how the Infant Toddler Play Group touches on all five of those protective factors:
Tangible Support. In addition to a fun evening and a filling meal, each family receives a $25 gift card for every time they come and participate. And each person receives a free ticket to a $50 raffle held at the end of the evening.
Social Connections. Parents connect with each other and with each other’s children. Parents connect in a fun way with their children, in games and creative crafts.
Social/Emotional Competence of Children. While playing with one another, kids learn new social and emotional skills. Likewise, playing and working together with their parents and others also supports this development.
Parenting and Child Development. Part of each gathering includes a short presentation of Outward Mindset. According to TK Ford, who presents lessons in Outward Mindset: “When we have an outward mindset, we see others as people who matter as much as we do. With an outward mindset, we consider others’ needs, challenges, and objectives, and we see our impact on them.”
The Resilience of Parents. Each time the parents come to the Infant Toddler Play Group, they relax, they learn and they create together with their children. “They can listen with both ears while keeping an eye on their kiddos,” said Whitney Contreres. “That can happen only because they feel safe. It’s peaceful, fun and family friendly,” she added.
At the first Infant and Toddler Play Group, there were only a handful of cautious moms with their children. But word of mouth has continued to build on the number of participants each week. “This last, we had 14 children,” Rick added. “And because of the generosity of our host (Salem Evangelical Church) and the wonderful facility they give us, we can continue to invite other families to participate.”
“It’s good to see parents doing art projects with their children,” said ValJean Pratt, who has been a volunteer at the church for 40 years. “I’ve been sitting in on the teaching, and it has influenced and made me aware of how I view others.”